Our struggling in Santa Fe may be nearing an end.
After trying to avoid returning to the school systems, that's exactly what we're in the process of doing. Cameron took up substituting in the city schools a few months before the school year ended. During that time, he received training for a summer school science program. After meeting with the director of the program, the first day, he was reassigned to work with him to compose a soundtrack for a commercial instructional video, featuring the director. If you have ever seen Bill Nigh The Science Guy, it is along those lines. It was an intense 2 weeks of solid composing and meetings with the director, but the end product was fantastic.
He has been watching for a music teaching position in the area, but so far, nothing has opened up. So he will return to substitute teaching when school starts. I guess I have been digging my heels in, more than he. When the whole "No Child Left Behind" fiasco was enacted, it messed up the education system more than ever. It kind of soured me on teaching, then after obtaining my master's in school counseling, I found there were few positions in the Bakersfield area school system. In much of the country, counselors were not able to use the majority of the skills they had learned, focusing on scheduling, and other such duties. That added a new frustration.
There is a national movement among the National School Counselors Association, affecting school systems throughout the US, that utilizes more of school counselors' skills and moves more of the clerical duties to other personnel. With that bright spot, I am in the process of jumping through the multitude of hoops that New Mexico has in place, in order to obtain a reciprocal school counselor license for this state. I've gotten everything in order and will be submitting my application this week. At this point, I don't see any openings with the city schools, especially since it is so close to school starting, but there may be more as the year progresses. In the meantime, I will be substitute teaching, as well.
Working at OfficeMax has been a royal pain, literally, and I just cannot do it anymore. The varying hours, the low pay, and pain I have after every shift isn't worth it. So, off we both go, back into the schools. Cameron already has a 6 month temporary position as a kindergarten teacher, yes, you read it correctly. Scenes from Kindergarten Cop come to mind, but we'll not go there.
On another note, the weather has been much different this year than last. I'm told that El Nino years are much drier than other years, like last year. It's been a windier, drier, warmer year and I'm not so sure I like it, but loved last year. Longer residents say it varies from year to year so I guess we'll see what materializes in the next one. I still love the 4 seasons, but greatly miss the ocean. Cameron and I frequently reminisce about our past motorcycle rides up to Big Sur or Morro Bay; the ocean breeze and rocky cliffs.
My daughter, Madeline, is getting married in November. I haven't seen my family in a couple of years and it will be good to see them. It sounds like they'll be staying in Bakersfield for a while as they are talking about buying a house. They sure grow up fast. I see little kids daily and each reminds me of times when she was their age. I find myself reminiscing about her a lot lately, bragging to those who will listen. I guess it's all part of the process of life, but it's taking me awhile to be comfortable with it. I turned 50 this year. Wow, seeing it in writing is a little scary. Madeline turned 21 and is getting married. All are milestones and have come faster than expected. I think seeing everything from the outside changes the perspective. Since I'm no longer physically close to family, I don't see/experience the gradual changes taking place over time. I don't know how it will be to pay a visit for the wedding. There will be people attending that I haven't seen in years. I'll be a visitor to the place I once called home.
I will post more when there is anything new.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Being Handed the Keys to my Direction
The past couple of months have been laced with insanity. Fear, could'ves, should'ves, would'ves, I felt like there was nowhere to go but down in flames. I kept looking around me for some sort of answers, "Tell me what I'm supposed to do?" All I could hear was my past laughing at me, and my future hiding in a corner, terrified. The apparently sinking ship that we were riding on had taken on a lot of water and we had no idea as to how to fix the leak.
Over the past week, the wind has changed direction. The storm is over and we can see the beautiful sunrise to our east. The ship is still taking on water, but that isn't as important as catching that glimpse of sunrise. To stop, smell the sea air and take inventory of our situation.
I know, now, that even when it storms, the boat isn't going to sink and it will only take on so much water. An old soul I spoke with while the wind was dying down, showed me that all of those could've, should've, would'ves, needn't be tied to the sides of the boat. Releasing them would lighten the load and renew some of the ship's buoyancy. I'm working very hard to cut the ropes that hold them in place. Some have their own buoyancy and are tagging alongside the ship. Others have fallen into the depths of the ocean.
I find that I'm hearing seagulls and the slapping of the waves against the sides of the boat. The gulls are telling me that we are closing on land, but we just can't see it yet. My goal is to reach that land, but it will take effort to do so. I don't make plans. I just consider the path that I am traversing towards my goal-that is what the old soul taught me.
Plans suggest that you know what is going to happen, and so you set up the steps to the plans. Unfortunately, plans change and get out of control. They can make the dark clouds seem darker and the rain harder.
To have goals is to accept the changing ebb of the water, but to keep my eyes towards the direction of land. If I don't, I might miss the signs and the gulls will stop coming. I merely make small adjustments as the situation changes; changing with it, but keeping my eye watchful for more signs of land. I know it is out there, the gulls are still here, even increasing in number.
We will find land and it will have what we need to attain our next goal, and so on. All that we need to reach our goals is there to be found, but we must be vigilant and watch for the times that require us to take action and fight to keep moving in the direction of our goals.
Someday, the things that are floating alongside the boat, will slowly sink into the abyss and be forgotten. Until then, their presence sometimes haunts me and I find myself staring at them, watching them bob in the water. They are still near, but can't reach me anymore. That's a gift from the old soul, to find inner peace where the storm rages, and the same peace when it is calm, because I am safe, now, and those bobbing things are only that-bobbing things in the water.
Over the past week, the wind has changed direction. The storm is over and we can see the beautiful sunrise to our east. The ship is still taking on water, but that isn't as important as catching that glimpse of sunrise. To stop, smell the sea air and take inventory of our situation.
I know, now, that even when it storms, the boat isn't going to sink and it will only take on so much water. An old soul I spoke with while the wind was dying down, showed me that all of those could've, should've, would'ves, needn't be tied to the sides of the boat. Releasing them would lighten the load and renew some of the ship's buoyancy. I'm working very hard to cut the ropes that hold them in place. Some have their own buoyancy and are tagging alongside the ship. Others have fallen into the depths of the ocean.
I find that I'm hearing seagulls and the slapping of the waves against the sides of the boat. The gulls are telling me that we are closing on land, but we just can't see it yet. My goal is to reach that land, but it will take effort to do so. I don't make plans. I just consider the path that I am traversing towards my goal-that is what the old soul taught me.
Plans suggest that you know what is going to happen, and so you set up the steps to the plans. Unfortunately, plans change and get out of control. They can make the dark clouds seem darker and the rain harder.
To have goals is to accept the changing ebb of the water, but to keep my eyes towards the direction of land. If I don't, I might miss the signs and the gulls will stop coming. I merely make small adjustments as the situation changes; changing with it, but keeping my eye watchful for more signs of land. I know it is out there, the gulls are still here, even increasing in number.
We will find land and it will have what we need to attain our next goal, and so on. All that we need to reach our goals is there to be found, but we must be vigilant and watch for the times that require us to take action and fight to keep moving in the direction of our goals.
Someday, the things that are floating alongside the boat, will slowly sink into the abyss and be forgotten. Until then, their presence sometimes haunts me and I find myself staring at them, watching them bob in the water. They are still near, but can't reach me anymore. That's a gift from the old soul, to find inner peace where the storm rages, and the same peace when it is calm, because I am safe, now, and those bobbing things are only that-bobbing things in the water.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Long Day and Thoughts About Balance
Today was one of the longest I've had in a while. Nothing especially happened. It just was exhaustingly long.
Perhaps it was because yesterday and today I worked day shifts, rather than my usual evenings. I was downing energy drinks as I passed through the front doors and they did little to quell my yawning. Then, when I got off and anticipated getting some things done on my website, I got home and promptly napped for a couple of hours. It made the day feel wasted.
Normally, I have the day to take care of errands, work on business things, and a little housework. I guess I don't notice how exhausted I am from work since I just hit the sack when I get home afterwards. Unfortunately, Cameron and I are on different schedules when he works. He goes off to work as I get up to begin my day of activities, then when I am leaving for work, he has just gotten home. I'm kind of thankful he doesn't work every day, especially when my days off (usually in the middle of the week) coincide with days he only works a half day or maybe not at all.
I've been re-constructing my website and so it was down for several weeks. I've been putting a lot of time into stocking products, and deciding what of the "old" site I want to remain and what needs to go. Time and energy, as usual, are difficult things to work with when they don't agree on which will demand my being . Some days the entire day is stretched out in front of me, full of promising activity, but I haven't the energy to deal with it. Then others don't offer the time, but my head is swimming with ideas I want to implement.
It's like a balancing act. Energy on one hand, time on the other, and demands on both are sitting atop my head. I know part of the energy thing is occasional bouts of depression that seem to leak through the defenses of my medications. Time slips away when the energy is dim. Perhaps they go together so well that they both belong in the same hand, which would leave the demands in the other. Hmmm... Again, I am left with the inability to deal with the matters on one hand, without disrupting the grasp I have on the items on the other hand.
It's a good thing I like challenges, because that one's a doozie! (Haven't heard that one in a while, huh?)
Ah, what has been going on with us, as an update is long overdue.
Cameron has been busily working on a second album, his first has sold a few and a couple of stores are carrying it. It's jazz/blues/with a little something else. Unfortunately, I lack the proper musical vocabulary to come up with a word for the something else. If you would like to listen to some of his work, you can go to his reverb nation page: http://www.reverbnation.com/cameronweckerley. It's been an interesting experience watching/listening to how his ideas formulate into music, and how that music becomes a finished piece, that is then incorporated into an album with other pieces that have undergone the same transformation. I would think it's a similar process to bringing ideas to some other fruition, but this is observable. The steps, the adjustments, are exposed and the music explodes from a set of notes to so much more. Fascinating!
I find myself constantly exploding with ideas. They go down on paper and are stared at for further inspiration. A maze is in front of me that I must get through to bring idea to a reality. Some of the ideas stay nothing more than the scribbles on the paper. Many are thought through and brought to conclusion-on paper-but that balancing act makes it hard to bring them off the paper. Time + Energy < demands.
I think when a person turns 50, the "service engine light" comes on somewhere (I'll leave the location to your imagination). It's time for the 100,000 mile check up and the warranty is long gone. It's been a rough year, so far for health related issues. Removal of the kidney stone was a welcome relief. It's amazing what a little 8-9mm rock can do to your body, when it plants itself in the wrong place. I felt so much better, for about 2 weeks. Then the really nasty flu that has been going around, grabbed me by the throat and wrestled me to the ground. It took a couple of weeks to recover from that match. Next, my doctor found a mass near my right ovary. Are we having fun, yet?! More tests and a visit to a specialist next week. Everything looks benign and there are several possible treatments that can be done in office. I'll find out more next week. And let's see...it's only April. My knees are the next item on the list, after the abdominal issues are handled. Now, my knees are not a new problem. They have been an on-going issue for years, but they're getting more and more painful. Got a referral to an orthopedic dr. and orders for xrays and mri. First things first, though, let's get the other thing handled first.
OK, let's get out of the negatives. Spring has been showing it face all over town. In our apartment complex, most of the trees are beginning to sprout little green leaves. The cottonwoods have been dropping their elongated flowers all over the place. It's interesting, the longer they stay on the ground, the purplier they get. That leaves a purple stain on the sidewalks. The cottonwoods are the only tree, that I have noticed, around our complex that have not sprouted the leaf buds. The blue spruces are looking very stately and healthy, and the sweetgum are farthest along with their leaves. Of course, all over town the junipers are blooming. Few people are left unscathed by their power to invoke an allergic reaction. Red and teary eyed people are everywhere. Sneezes, sniffles, and stuffy heads abound. The business to be in would be tissue manufacturing. They fly off the shelves around here. Especially because after the junipers do their thing, lavenders and the big yellow chamisa bushes attack the already weakened systems of those of us who have plant allergies. Hail to the antihistamines and decongestants!
We went on a little motorcycle ride last weekend (I actually had a Saturday off!) up to Hyde Park. It's at a higher elevation and there were patches of slushy snow here and there. The place looked so stark, compared to the last time we were up there, which was fall. That's when the aspens change color and the hills are covered with yellow, orange and brown patches. It was a nice change and the first ride I've taken since the one last fall. It was nice to be able to spend the time together to just enjoy the scenery and the winding roads up the mountain.
Well, the nap gave me a little burst of energy, but it's now late. At least I don't report for work until 11:00am tomorrow!
Perhaps it was because yesterday and today I worked day shifts, rather than my usual evenings. I was downing energy drinks as I passed through the front doors and they did little to quell my yawning. Then, when I got off and anticipated getting some things done on my website, I got home and promptly napped for a couple of hours. It made the day feel wasted.
Normally, I have the day to take care of errands, work on business things, and a little housework. I guess I don't notice how exhausted I am from work since I just hit the sack when I get home afterwards. Unfortunately, Cameron and I are on different schedules when he works. He goes off to work as I get up to begin my day of activities, then when I am leaving for work, he has just gotten home. I'm kind of thankful he doesn't work every day, especially when my days off (usually in the middle of the week) coincide with days he only works a half day or maybe not at all.
I've been re-constructing my website and so it was down for several weeks. I've been putting a lot of time into stocking products, and deciding what of the "old" site I want to remain and what needs to go. Time and energy, as usual, are difficult things to work with when they don't agree on which will demand my being . Some days the entire day is stretched out in front of me, full of promising activity, but I haven't the energy to deal with it. Then others don't offer the time, but my head is swimming with ideas I want to implement.
It's like a balancing act. Energy on one hand, time on the other, and demands on both are sitting atop my head. I know part of the energy thing is occasional bouts of depression that seem to leak through the defenses of my medications. Time slips away when the energy is dim. Perhaps they go together so well that they both belong in the same hand, which would leave the demands in the other. Hmmm... Again, I am left with the inability to deal with the matters on one hand, without disrupting the grasp I have on the items on the other hand.
It's a good thing I like challenges, because that one's a doozie! (Haven't heard that one in a while, huh?)
Ah, what has been going on with us, as an update is long overdue.
Cameron has been busily working on a second album, his first has sold a few and a couple of stores are carrying it. It's jazz/blues/with a little something else. Unfortunately, I lack the proper musical vocabulary to come up with a word for the something else. If you would like to listen to some of his work, you can go to his reverb nation page: http://www.reverbnation.com/cameronweckerley. It's been an interesting experience watching/listening to how his ideas formulate into music, and how that music becomes a finished piece, that is then incorporated into an album with other pieces that have undergone the same transformation. I would think it's a similar process to bringing ideas to some other fruition, but this is observable. The steps, the adjustments, are exposed and the music explodes from a set of notes to so much more. Fascinating!
I find myself constantly exploding with ideas. They go down on paper and are stared at for further inspiration. A maze is in front of me that I must get through to bring idea to a reality. Some of the ideas stay nothing more than the scribbles on the paper. Many are thought through and brought to conclusion-on paper-but that balancing act makes it hard to bring them off the paper. Time + Energy < demands.
I think when a person turns 50, the "service engine light" comes on somewhere (I'll leave the location to your imagination). It's time for the 100,000 mile check up and the warranty is long gone. It's been a rough year, so far for health related issues. Removal of the kidney stone was a welcome relief. It's amazing what a little 8-9mm rock can do to your body, when it plants itself in the wrong place. I felt so much better, for about 2 weeks. Then the really nasty flu that has been going around, grabbed me by the throat and wrestled me to the ground. It took a couple of weeks to recover from that match. Next, my doctor found a mass near my right ovary. Are we having fun, yet?! More tests and a visit to a specialist next week. Everything looks benign and there are several possible treatments that can be done in office. I'll find out more next week. And let's see...it's only April. My knees are the next item on the list, after the abdominal issues are handled. Now, my knees are not a new problem. They have been an on-going issue for years, but they're getting more and more painful. Got a referral to an orthopedic dr. and orders for xrays and mri. First things first, though, let's get the other thing handled first.
OK, let's get out of the negatives. Spring has been showing it face all over town. In our apartment complex, most of the trees are beginning to sprout little green leaves. The cottonwoods have been dropping their elongated flowers all over the place. It's interesting, the longer they stay on the ground, the purplier they get. That leaves a purple stain on the sidewalks. The cottonwoods are the only tree, that I have noticed, around our complex that have not sprouted the leaf buds. The blue spruces are looking very stately and healthy, and the sweetgum are farthest along with their leaves. Of course, all over town the junipers are blooming. Few people are left unscathed by their power to invoke an allergic reaction. Red and teary eyed people are everywhere. Sneezes, sniffles, and stuffy heads abound. The business to be in would be tissue manufacturing. They fly off the shelves around here. Especially because after the junipers do their thing, lavenders and the big yellow chamisa bushes attack the already weakened systems of those of us who have plant allergies. Hail to the antihistamines and decongestants!
We went on a little motorcycle ride last weekend (I actually had a Saturday off!) up to Hyde Park. It's at a higher elevation and there were patches of slushy snow here and there. The place looked so stark, compared to the last time we were up there, which was fall. That's when the aspens change color and the hills are covered with yellow, orange and brown patches. It was a nice change and the first ride I've taken since the one last fall. It was nice to be able to spend the time together to just enjoy the scenery and the winding roads up the mountain.
Well, the nap gave me a little burst of energy, but it's now late. At least I don't report for work until 11:00am tomorrow!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Riding the H2O Train
I've passed the 1 week mark, since the surgery, and am still having some discomfort. Should't I be done with all this by now, and feeling great?! Or am I just being impatient?
I chug about 4+ liters of water a day; it seems like that would be enough to irrigate every impurity from my body.
Oh well, I will try to be patient and see what the Dr. has to say at my upcoming appt.
In the meantime, job hunting continues, for both of us. Who knows where we'll be next fall? We could be set in some decent jobs, here, in Santa Fe, or off to another state. Either way, it will be nice to be in a different "place" than we have been.
There are signs of the on-coming of Spring, that I noticed while walking Tuesday this afternoon. First of all, the temperatures are beginning to climb above freezing, though there are still patches of ice and snow in shady areas. I actually saw some closed leaf buds on a couple of trees, and some little green shoots coming out of a crook in another tree. It kind of looks like the grass in some areas is making a try at coming back. Poor Tuesday hunted around the grassy areas searching for grass to eat. All she found were some semi-green blades scattered among all the brown ones.
We're pretty much ready for spring, though that tends to be a windy time and my allergies go nuts! Being able to put the big coat and boots away until next year, along with the extra warm tops and thermals, will be nice. Cameron can go back to his regular motorcycle rides with his "Hooligans" friends and I won't have to worry about slipping and falling when I cross the arroyo on the way to work. (It's like a natural drainage area that is about 7 ft. below ground level so there are slopes on both sides.) Lately, I've been taking the car since all the snow along the path has turned to ice.
I've joined a women's group called The Girlfriends of Santa Fe. It's one of the meet-up groups in the area. I've only gone to a couple of get-togethers, so far. Alot of the members are quite well off and plan things like dinner out at one of the expensive restaurants, or a museum trip, etc. I can handle the coffee-house ones and book discussions. Well, in March, one of the members is hosting a knitting and crocheting group. I tried both in elementary/jr. high, but just couldn't keep the tension even on the yarn. This sounds like a very informative and fun time. I have a friend at work who wants to go, as well I'm thinking that taking one of these up will give me some relaxation time, not to mention some new friends and social life. I'm considering another one that is being hosted by someone who is a life coach. She doing a meeting geared just for women. I could use some direction and have lots of internal junk that either needs to be tossed or organized. Perhaps my brain cloudiness will improve somewhat with the organization and focus in one direction.
Well, Tuesday is giving me "the look" and sighing, meaning it's time to go out so I'll stop here.
I chug about 4+ liters of water a day; it seems like that would be enough to irrigate every impurity from my body.
Oh well, I will try to be patient and see what the Dr. has to say at my upcoming appt.
In the meantime, job hunting continues, for both of us. Who knows where we'll be next fall? We could be set in some decent jobs, here, in Santa Fe, or off to another state. Either way, it will be nice to be in a different "place" than we have been.
There are signs of the on-coming of Spring, that I noticed while walking Tuesday this afternoon. First of all, the temperatures are beginning to climb above freezing, though there are still patches of ice and snow in shady areas. I actually saw some closed leaf buds on a couple of trees, and some little green shoots coming out of a crook in another tree. It kind of looks like the grass in some areas is making a try at coming back. Poor Tuesday hunted around the grassy areas searching for grass to eat. All she found were some semi-green blades scattered among all the brown ones.
We're pretty much ready for spring, though that tends to be a windy time and my allergies go nuts! Being able to put the big coat and boots away until next year, along with the extra warm tops and thermals, will be nice. Cameron can go back to his regular motorcycle rides with his "Hooligans" friends and I won't have to worry about slipping and falling when I cross the arroyo on the way to work. (It's like a natural drainage area that is about 7 ft. below ground level so there are slopes on both sides.) Lately, I've been taking the car since all the snow along the path has turned to ice.
I've joined a women's group called The Girlfriends of Santa Fe. It's one of the meet-up groups in the area. I've only gone to a couple of get-togethers, so far. Alot of the members are quite well off and plan things like dinner out at one of the expensive restaurants, or a museum trip, etc. I can handle the coffee-house ones and book discussions. Well, in March, one of the members is hosting a knitting and crocheting group. I tried both in elementary/jr. high, but just couldn't keep the tension even on the yarn. This sounds like a very informative and fun time. I have a friend at work who wants to go, as well I'm thinking that taking one of these up will give me some relaxation time, not to mention some new friends and social life. I'm considering another one that is being hosted by someone who is a life coach. She doing a meeting geared just for women. I could use some direction and have lots of internal junk that either needs to be tossed or organized. Perhaps my brain cloudiness will improve somewhat with the organization and focus in one direction.
Well, Tuesday is giving me "the look" and sighing, meaning it's time to go out so I'll stop here.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Lots of snow, great time to stay in bed.
It's been snowing off and on since about 6pm yesterday and more is expected today and tomorrow. Normally, I'd be ecstatic about it, but I've been feeling exhausted and depressed so much these past few months.
Today, I'm working a full 8 hours. I'm not sure if I can last for that long of a shift. You see, the kidney stone that's been causing me periodic grief is being removed (actually pulverized) on Thursday. It's impact on my health over the past months has been very evident and it's time to evict the unwanted guest. The past week I've been more and more exhausted, needing a nap before I go to work in the evening. That helps tremendously.
Today and tomorrow, I open. That means being there from 8-5. At least when I work the closing shift, I can rest before going in at 4 or 5pm. I'm hoping the snow will keep customers away so they start letting people go home early. For now, there's just a feeling of dread.
I'll let you know how the whole kidney thing goes. It's out-patient, but I won't be released to go back to work until Monday.
Till then!
Patti
Today, I'm working a full 8 hours. I'm not sure if I can last for that long of a shift. You see, the kidney stone that's been causing me periodic grief is being removed (actually pulverized) on Thursday. It's impact on my health over the past months has been very evident and it's time to evict the unwanted guest. The past week I've been more and more exhausted, needing a nap before I go to work in the evening. That helps tremendously.
Today and tomorrow, I open. That means being there from 8-5. At least when I work the closing shift, I can rest before going in at 4 or 5pm. I'm hoping the snow will keep customers away so they start letting people go home early. For now, there's just a feeling of dread.
I'll let you know how the whole kidney thing goes. It's out-patient, but I won't be released to go back to work until Monday.
Till then!
Patti
Saturday, January 8, 2011
More Changes and Challenges Ahead
Sometimes I feel like I'm taking one, loooonnggg, test. Of what subject or part of my person is being tested, I'm not sure. I just don't seem to be choosing the correct answers. At least give me some study quides to work with, or maybe the book to read, before testing me. It kind of feels unfair to be expected to know the correct answers, when the questions keep popping up as unanswerable because there was no way to study.
Our current trial is the loss of Cameron's job. They let him go a couple of days ago due to, "the elimination of his position". Thus, our household vacillates between moments of sheer panic, depression, and the quest for the elusive answer to "what's next?"
At least I still have my job, though I'm looking into making some changes for positions with a higher financial gain. Someone has offered me a part-time job caring for his mentally disabled sister a couple of days a week, at $5 more an hour than I'm currently making. Another customer at the store I work at has asked me to stop by a clothing store, downtown, that he and his wife own. He only needs someone for Sundays, but that would pay $3 more an hour than I currently make. I could, then, fill in the rest of the week with hours at my current job.
I don't make enough for us to survive here very long. My pay supplemented his, and even at that we scraped by just barely. Santa Fe has been a struggle since we moved here and it just seems like this is not the place for us.
Cameron wants to get back to his musical roots and degrees, so is applying at community colleges to teach music. A catch: most are hiring for the fall, so what do we do in between? If he were to get hired by one of the colleges, would it be better to find temporary work there, and move out of costly Santa Fe? That depends of the cost of living where he will be working. Then there's the breaking of our lease (which we had just renewed in Sept.) at a cost of 2 extra month's rent. How does one come up with moving costs and deposits at a new abode, when the old one is reaching so deeply into your empty pocket?
This compounds the stress and anxiety over what we are to do. At the moment, we are going one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring or what new information will be learned? I talk with a lot of the customers and learn about their trials and tribulations in finding "that place" where they feel they are supposed to be. That's also, how I found out about these other jobs. You can't learn without asking questions and watching the world around you go through the motions of life.
I'm trying to keep my business and podcast going, but my hours have varied so much, from week to week, it's hard to plan and I'm often too exhausted to want to deal with it. I have a very talented writer slated for my Jan. 15th show, but I haven't interviewed her yet, and will need some time to edit it. I guess I will be busy working on that on my upcoming days off, Mon. and Tues. At least the interviews are fun and I love meeting new people. It will be a nice break from this very long week (50 hours) that I'm just coming off of.
Our animals are reacting to our stress. Poor JarJar has taken to pulling out his hair on his sides. Allie seems particularly needy, and Tuesday seems confused and sad each day I leave for work, begging me to stay and snuggle with her, in bed. They are so sensitive to our moods.
I guess one of the hardest parts of all of this, at least for me, is the not knowing what we're going to be doing. I've always been the one to plan our next moves, based on what I know about where we are going or the statistics associated with a particular place. This time it's completely out of my hands. It all hinges on who will hire him. Financially, we'll be much better off, after we catch up with the bills that will follow us. I just hate the unknown. It scares me and that often triggers other emotions. I'm trying to turn that fear into anger. Anger is a great mobilizer and keeps me from turning into a puddle of anxiety and depression.
Cameron has made some very supportive friends, here. I think both are AA members and they nudge him to meetings or on motorcycle rides when they see him getting into a pattern of depression. They share their strength with him and show him sunlight when all he wants to do is stay in darkness. Wherever we go, they will be the part of Santa Fe that is missed.
It's getting late and I have to be at work tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep. Thank you for your continued support through our often insane lives. It helps to keep us moving forward.
Our current trial is the loss of Cameron's job. They let him go a couple of days ago due to, "the elimination of his position". Thus, our household vacillates between moments of sheer panic, depression, and the quest for the elusive answer to "what's next?"
At least I still have my job, though I'm looking into making some changes for positions with a higher financial gain. Someone has offered me a part-time job caring for his mentally disabled sister a couple of days a week, at $5 more an hour than I'm currently making. Another customer at the store I work at has asked me to stop by a clothing store, downtown, that he and his wife own. He only needs someone for Sundays, but that would pay $3 more an hour than I currently make. I could, then, fill in the rest of the week with hours at my current job.
I don't make enough for us to survive here very long. My pay supplemented his, and even at that we scraped by just barely. Santa Fe has been a struggle since we moved here and it just seems like this is not the place for us.
Cameron wants to get back to his musical roots and degrees, so is applying at community colleges to teach music. A catch: most are hiring for the fall, so what do we do in between? If he were to get hired by one of the colleges, would it be better to find temporary work there, and move out of costly Santa Fe? That depends of the cost of living where he will be working. Then there's the breaking of our lease (which we had just renewed in Sept.) at a cost of 2 extra month's rent. How does one come up with moving costs and deposits at a new abode, when the old one is reaching so deeply into your empty pocket?
This compounds the stress and anxiety over what we are to do. At the moment, we are going one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring or what new information will be learned? I talk with a lot of the customers and learn about their trials and tribulations in finding "that place" where they feel they are supposed to be. That's also, how I found out about these other jobs. You can't learn without asking questions and watching the world around you go through the motions of life.
I'm trying to keep my business and podcast going, but my hours have varied so much, from week to week, it's hard to plan and I'm often too exhausted to want to deal with it. I have a very talented writer slated for my Jan. 15th show, but I haven't interviewed her yet, and will need some time to edit it. I guess I will be busy working on that on my upcoming days off, Mon. and Tues. At least the interviews are fun and I love meeting new people. It will be a nice break from this very long week (50 hours) that I'm just coming off of.
Our animals are reacting to our stress. Poor JarJar has taken to pulling out his hair on his sides. Allie seems particularly needy, and Tuesday seems confused and sad each day I leave for work, begging me to stay and snuggle with her, in bed. They are so sensitive to our moods.
I guess one of the hardest parts of all of this, at least for me, is the not knowing what we're going to be doing. I've always been the one to plan our next moves, based on what I know about where we are going or the statistics associated with a particular place. This time it's completely out of my hands. It all hinges on who will hire him. Financially, we'll be much better off, after we catch up with the bills that will follow us. I just hate the unknown. It scares me and that often triggers other emotions. I'm trying to turn that fear into anger. Anger is a great mobilizer and keeps me from turning into a puddle of anxiety and depression.
Cameron has made some very supportive friends, here. I think both are AA members and they nudge him to meetings or on motorcycle rides when they see him getting into a pattern of depression. They share their strength with him and show him sunlight when all he wants to do is stay in darkness. Wherever we go, they will be the part of Santa Fe that is missed.
It's getting late and I have to be at work tomorrow, so I need to get some sleep. Thank you for your continued support through our often insane lives. It helps to keep us moving forward.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The Up Hill Climb Just Never Ends
I'm in the middle of my 4th week at Office Max and have gotten my first paycheck last week. That came and went down the hole left by me being out of work for 3 months. Cameron is getting paid extra for playing music for some sort of special event hosted by the BMW dealership, but, that too is going towards filling in the holes. I even had to pull money from my business account to help out during that period.
I fear our timing for "starting over" was horribly ill-timed. Santa Fe is an expensive place to live in many ways and the wages seem high to an outsider but the cost to live hear is higher than we expected. With no alternative currently in sight, we keep trudging up the hill.
Through costly trial and error, I think I have a handle on how to do business here. I've tried pushing the online sales, but haven't had the time or energy to put all the items up on the website, and have only had 2 sales from it. I tried catalog sales, but as this is the land of tomorrow, the excited customers who took my catalogs home, never followed through and now those catalogs are lost. Now, I'm going with the party circuit. I've made some fairly good sales, but still not enough to recover from the past few months. I had to purchase items for demonstrations, some rather costly, as well as all the display related items. The parties seem to be a good way to go for now. I have a captive audience and the group drive to make a purchase seems to encourage the "tomorrow" people to buy now.
One cool thing about being in this industry as an independent retailer is that I'm not tied to any particular company, thus, I can order from any one I choose. For example, I've been working with a blanket company to create an indoor waterproof blanket. They have focused on outdoor ones for years and toyed with the idea of making an indoor one but hadn't made the move. Now they are and I give direct recommendations for feel and uses and they listen! They are based just outside of Seattle and all the blankets are US made. Very high quality. Another project in the works is with a local salon that makes gift baskets for their customers and they include products like mine. Unfortunately for them, a very pretty looking line caught their eyes some time ago, but the products are not especially good to use. Now they are trying to get rid of them and want something new to offer customers. One more thing in the works is a connection with a company who makes pasties. I already carry a beautiful line of them, but in order to re-use them, you must have the proper glue. While searching for a source for the glue, I stumbled upon this company that make them and even does custom ones. They have no problem with retailers putting their own brand name on them, either. I am expecting a sample package of their work any day now.
Future plans include the Gay Pride festival in June. A huge money maker, but stock is definitely needed, especially the impulse buy kind. A friend of mine does club nights at local bars and said I could set up a table there. Items $20 and under for quick purchases will be best for that. Unfortunately, he has stopped for the winter and won't be starting up again until late spring. A woman who is a hotel concierge at one of the local places in town, recommended that I make up gift baskets that they can keep on site. Most run about $75, but if mine were nice and only in the $35 range, they would be very popular. These all require stock on hand. A big investment. Now that I'm employed again, perhaps that is a possibility, yet.
As far as my job is concerned. It's OK, but the hours are killing me. I've never understood why they have to assign different hours each week. I never know what my hours will be until Saturday afternoon, when they post the schedule for the next week. It makes planning a nightmare and the business difficult to focus on. I'm keeping my eyes open for a job with regular hours so I can make greater headway on the business and not be so exhausted all the time. (Back to back shifts should be illegal. Closing the store at close to 10pm one day and opening at 8am the next is brutal.) It takes me awhile to unwind after closing so bedtime is usually about 11pm. Not much time for anything near a relaxing night. One really cool aspect of my job is that lots of artists come to the print center to make note cards of their work or some other item. I get to see the work of many local artists and usually I can get an autographed copy of whatever they brought in. I enjoy meeting all the different people, but I have to watch my visiting, though I find them fascinating.
Caffeine is a good friend of mine these days.
Cameron is doing pretty well. For someone who is not a people person, he does amazingly well with the customers and establishing a rapport with them. He had a lot of cleaning up to do when he first started as the prior service advisor had really done his part to lower the rating on this dealership, not to mention a bit of a paperwork fiasco that took months to fix. It's been hard on him much of the time, but he keeps plugging along. Now that they know his skills as a musician, he gets to play at several of the big promotional events that are held, two of them this week. Today he'll be in Albuquerque and since I have the day off, I'll get to go and be the photographer and general support person. It should be interesting. Yesterday they had the same event up here, at the Santa Fe dealership. It's funny, they're willing to pay him decently for doing musician work, but not for the job he currently does. It's a very weird way of doing things.
I'm very excited that Madeline, my daughter, and her fiance' are coming to visit at Christmas. It will be nice to have her around for brief time she is here, not to mention being able to meet my future son-in-law. I hope we get some snow for them. It's been a very dry winter, so far. Little rain and only a very light dusting of snow on a couple of occasions. Quite a lot of wind, though. A very big difference from last year and rather disappointing. There's still lots of possible snow days so we'll hope for some in the near future.
My car is in terrible need of repairs such as tires, brakes and an oil change. All of which are way overdue and out of any perceived budget. Cameron has worked out a deal with another mechanic and friend down in Albuquerque who has an older Toyota Tercel that he has gone through and serviced every thing. It has less mileage than mine does and he wants to trade it for the engine from the crashed bike. We've hauled that thing with us through every move and I am looking forward to getting rid of it. We'll probably keep the Saturn and gradually get it up to a safer level of care, and have it as a back up vehicle. One thing that is cheap here is vehicle registration. Just a flat $45 for each vehicle, no matter how old or new it is. Much better than California's which is based on vehicle value. What that has to do with wear and tear on the roads is beyond me. Santa Fe doesn't have any emissions checks, like Albuquerque does, which is also nice.
Well, this is enough for now. I wish my spirits were better and I try my best to look to the future, but like a little kid, the present keeps tugging on me for attention.
I fear our timing for "starting over" was horribly ill-timed. Santa Fe is an expensive place to live in many ways and the wages seem high to an outsider but the cost to live hear is higher than we expected. With no alternative currently in sight, we keep trudging up the hill.
Through costly trial and error, I think I have a handle on how to do business here. I've tried pushing the online sales, but haven't had the time or energy to put all the items up on the website, and have only had 2 sales from it. I tried catalog sales, but as this is the land of tomorrow, the excited customers who took my catalogs home, never followed through and now those catalogs are lost. Now, I'm going with the party circuit. I've made some fairly good sales, but still not enough to recover from the past few months. I had to purchase items for demonstrations, some rather costly, as well as all the display related items. The parties seem to be a good way to go for now. I have a captive audience and the group drive to make a purchase seems to encourage the "tomorrow" people to buy now.
One cool thing about being in this industry as an independent retailer is that I'm not tied to any particular company, thus, I can order from any one I choose. For example, I've been working with a blanket company to create an indoor waterproof blanket. They have focused on outdoor ones for years and toyed with the idea of making an indoor one but hadn't made the move. Now they are and I give direct recommendations for feel and uses and they listen! They are based just outside of Seattle and all the blankets are US made. Very high quality. Another project in the works is with a local salon that makes gift baskets for their customers and they include products like mine. Unfortunately for them, a very pretty looking line caught their eyes some time ago, but the products are not especially good to use. Now they are trying to get rid of them and want something new to offer customers. One more thing in the works is a connection with a company who makes pasties. I already carry a beautiful line of them, but in order to re-use them, you must have the proper glue. While searching for a source for the glue, I stumbled upon this company that make them and even does custom ones. They have no problem with retailers putting their own brand name on them, either. I am expecting a sample package of their work any day now.
Future plans include the Gay Pride festival in June. A huge money maker, but stock is definitely needed, especially the impulse buy kind. A friend of mine does club nights at local bars and said I could set up a table there. Items $20 and under for quick purchases will be best for that. Unfortunately, he has stopped for the winter and won't be starting up again until late spring. A woman who is a hotel concierge at one of the local places in town, recommended that I make up gift baskets that they can keep on site. Most run about $75, but if mine were nice and only in the $35 range, they would be very popular. These all require stock on hand. A big investment. Now that I'm employed again, perhaps that is a possibility, yet.
As far as my job is concerned. It's OK, but the hours are killing me. I've never understood why they have to assign different hours each week. I never know what my hours will be until Saturday afternoon, when they post the schedule for the next week. It makes planning a nightmare and the business difficult to focus on. I'm keeping my eyes open for a job with regular hours so I can make greater headway on the business and not be so exhausted all the time. (Back to back shifts should be illegal. Closing the store at close to 10pm one day and opening at 8am the next is brutal.) It takes me awhile to unwind after closing so bedtime is usually about 11pm. Not much time for anything near a relaxing night. One really cool aspect of my job is that lots of artists come to the print center to make note cards of their work or some other item. I get to see the work of many local artists and usually I can get an autographed copy of whatever they brought in. I enjoy meeting all the different people, but I have to watch my visiting, though I find them fascinating.
Caffeine is a good friend of mine these days.
Cameron is doing pretty well. For someone who is not a people person, he does amazingly well with the customers and establishing a rapport with them. He had a lot of cleaning up to do when he first started as the prior service advisor had really done his part to lower the rating on this dealership, not to mention a bit of a paperwork fiasco that took months to fix. It's been hard on him much of the time, but he keeps plugging along. Now that they know his skills as a musician, he gets to play at several of the big promotional events that are held, two of them this week. Today he'll be in Albuquerque and since I have the day off, I'll get to go and be the photographer and general support person. It should be interesting. Yesterday they had the same event up here, at the Santa Fe dealership. It's funny, they're willing to pay him decently for doing musician work, but not for the job he currently does. It's a very weird way of doing things.
I'm very excited that Madeline, my daughter, and her fiance' are coming to visit at Christmas. It will be nice to have her around for brief time she is here, not to mention being able to meet my future son-in-law. I hope we get some snow for them. It's been a very dry winter, so far. Little rain and only a very light dusting of snow on a couple of occasions. Quite a lot of wind, though. A very big difference from last year and rather disappointing. There's still lots of possible snow days so we'll hope for some in the near future.
My car is in terrible need of repairs such as tires, brakes and an oil change. All of which are way overdue and out of any perceived budget. Cameron has worked out a deal with another mechanic and friend down in Albuquerque who has an older Toyota Tercel that he has gone through and serviced every thing. It has less mileage than mine does and he wants to trade it for the engine from the crashed bike. We've hauled that thing with us through every move and I am looking forward to getting rid of it. We'll probably keep the Saturn and gradually get it up to a safer level of care, and have it as a back up vehicle. One thing that is cheap here is vehicle registration. Just a flat $45 for each vehicle, no matter how old or new it is. Much better than California's which is based on vehicle value. What that has to do with wear and tear on the roads is beyond me. Santa Fe doesn't have any emissions checks, like Albuquerque does, which is also nice.
Well, this is enough for now. I wish my spirits were better and I try my best to look to the future, but like a little kid, the present keeps tugging on me for attention.
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