End of a Busy Weekend, But What Else is New?

Here I am. I'm a little dizzy and exhausted, depressed, but relieved.

Weird, huh?

Last week I had a CT scan done of my abdomen because I was still having some pain, but it felt different. Gee, guess what?! The stone is still there. My offered choices:

1. try a non-FDA approved approach by taking a medication meant to relieve symptoms in men with prostate problems that will hopefully expand the normally 6mm passageway, that the 8mm stone must pass through, to at least that diameter to achieve the desired effect. All the while consuming mass amounts of water to attempt to flush the thing out. It makes me feel tired and sometimes dizzy.
2. make an appointment with a urologist to have it removed by force utilizing any number of less than enticing methods.

I chose #1. Unfortunately, I haven't seen any sign of this invader of my kidneys. Pain-sharp to barely detectable-has annoyed me all weekend. In case it isn't already obvious, I'm so tired of all this. I would just go and have the darned thing removed, except for the ridiculously high deductible that my insurance company will want me to pay. I'm not sure how long I can take this medication as my doctor shared his experience as taking only 12 hours to work. I'll have to call his office tomorrow to get his take on all of this.

My car is still adorning a parking place that I can see from our livingroom window. I did contact a mechanic today who came and took a look at it. Let's see, he'll replace the steering column and part of the wiring harness. There may be additional damage, but he won't know until he gets in there and is able to really check things out. Still, he's charging reasonable rates and is certified, so I guess I will have transportation again in the next week or so.

Someone tried to steal Cameron's motorcycle last night. Thankfully, they had no idea what they were doing and only bent the ignition key opening and unplugged a wire or two. Cameron was able to bend the opening so he could get the key in to start the bike and no wiring was damaged, so that was a relief. Just what we would have needed, both vehicles out of commission!

I'm having troubles lately, feeling like I have no real control over my existence. I'm not talking philosophically, literally. I function as a cog to some means that seems to drop out of sight in front of me. I've been functioning at everyone else's schedules; my supervisor, the bus drivers', the stores', the traffic's, Cameron's school's-all just push me along. Even the 8mm rock inside me controls my actions.

Having the car back will help greatly. I dread needing to run errands or get to an appoinment. I either have to ask for a ride or navigate the bus system during increasingly hotter days. What should take an hour to do, takes several and I spend too much time in the sun, inhaling exhaust from passing cars. Thank goodness for sunscreen and inhalers.

My next task, after the dust has settled from all of this, will be to try to secure a sleep study. That, as well, is part of the deductible, but I don't feel that I can continue to function on the troubled nights' sleep that only brings fatigue in the morning. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling rested. I think it was probably back in high school sometime.

I'm sorry for the down attitude of this post. I'm just tired of having to try so hard all the time. Even the bumpiest roads have smooth spots now and then, even places to stop in the shade to rest. I just need a little break, a chance to catch my breath, maybe even let my toes walk in some soft grass. That's all.