An Unwelcome Change

Cameron and I began on a motorcycle. On our first date, he took me up to Tehachapi for dinner. It was cold and exciting. We've logged thousands of miles on two wheels in the almost 4 years that we've been together. We have planned to ride to Alaska together, maybe even do a world ride.

Now, I fear it's all really just a dream.

About 7 years ago, I had this crazy idea to take ice skating lessons with my daughter; sort of a mother-daughter sort of thing. I've never been good at the sport and that continued to ring true during the lessons that followed. I took a bad fall on my knees (yes, I know you're not supposed to fall forward.) My doctor couldn't see anything broken on the x-rays so just prescribed some pain medication and ice packs for the bruising and swelling. Well, I'm stubborn. I went back on the ice a week later for another lesson. Unfortunately, I was really afraid of falling again and that fear played itself out in another fall. I was done with the skating idea. My knees healed, but occasionally bothered me.

Fast forward a few years and Cameron and I are out on a little mountain road, just off Angeles Crest Highway. It's amazing how fast a motorcycle can remove itself from under a rider. In an instant we were tossed on the pavement due to some sand on the road in a blind curve. I landed on my knees, again.

Well, apparently back in my ice skating days, I had successfully dislocated my knee caps. The doctor was only looking for breaks and both knees looked the same so he missed it. 2 years ago, the pain in my right knee became unbearable and it was surgically corrected, but the years of misalignment had created a hole in my cartilage. It acts up frequently and has shortened some of our more ambitious ride.

Now the left one is becoming increasingly painful. I can only handle short rides on the bike and I know that fact hurts Cameron. We ride. That's what we love to do and want to keep doing. I just can't manage it. Perhaps future surgery will correct my left knee, but my right has caused riding problems since the surgery to fix it. The doctor said it would never be the same.

That hurts. Last weekend, Cameron went on a long ride with a friend from school. It was OK, since there was no way I could manage such an endeavor, and I happily took care of some long overdue cleaning around the apartment. But still, I don't want it to always be like that. I love the adventure and just spending the day with him exploring places we've never been. It's not the same in a car.

What this boils down to is having patience. Patience to accept my current situation. Patience to wait for insurance that will cover the needed care. Patience to wait and see what the future holds. It can't be the end of our "gonzo" road trips and playing "where does this road go?" I know, patience.