Hopes Dashed and Uncertain Future

I've been trying to figure out how we can manage to make it to the next part of our journey. We barely tread water to maintain an existence for the past 10 months and now are on the brink of completing the first leg. We have been basically camping out in our apartment, foregoing eating out and having much in the way of furniture or other niceties. It's been very difficult emotionally and now the end is in sight.

But with only 6 weeks to go, I can't see past the end of his classes. There is no light at the end of this tunnel, only darkness. To be employed as a mechanic, he must have his own tools, and they must be of professional quality. To be employed, we must go to where the work is, but there is no way to get there, not to mention no way to find housing without the funds for the deposit and first month's rent. We have no moving fund, no savings, no safety net to catch us when we fall. That has been exhausted trying to survive the first 7 months when I wasn't able to find any work other than a part-time cashier job.

We're so close and yet miles away. I contacted the financial aid office at his school to see if there are any funds left over from his student loans that might be able to help us. But they told me there was nothing available. They recommended another type of student loan that we would have to pursue with an outside organization, but it is credit-based and so unattainable. We have had no extra money available to pay for anything other than rent, food, and utilities, and so creditors have rated us poorly.

It appears that we will be left to find work in Phoenix after he graduates. I can probably stay with my current job, though my position is considered temporary, but we don't know if there will be any openings at the local BMW motorcycle dealer. It feels like this whole year has been for nothing. All the work and sacrifices were just pipe dreams and now we are left to wallow in the muck left behind in our pursuit of a new beginning.

Why does this happen? It looked like this was the direction we were intended to go, but now it seems like some big sick joke. Couldn't we have at least been left in a place with a better climate? The heat just eats away at my energy and since we don't turn the air conditioner on much, the apartment is often on the stuffy side.

OK, I am grateful for my job, for without it we wouldn't have gotten this far. The insurance has been a huge help. We do have a roof over our heads, regardless of the questionable surroundings, we are not out on the street. Perhaps this will lead us somewhere else, but what of all the intense training Cameron has endured? What was that for? Again, I fail to see the humor in this. I feel more fear and sadness than anything. A more anti-climactic ending than expected, like the music crescendoed and suddenly stopped; and there is dead silence.