Fatigued, yet productive

There's still no new interviews or even potential interview contact.  I've applied at several locations, both large and small companies.  Since most of these applications were submitted on Friday or over the weekend, I don't anticipate hearing from any of them for another day or so.

Some good out of this?  I'm getting a good amount of writing done.  This is extremely difficult for me as it is dredging up memories that I had pushed down 3 years ago.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.  Eventually, they start oozing back up and popping into your head.  I've suffered from PTSD from Cameron's accident, but never dealt with it with a professional.  Now I am, especially now that those memories aren't cooperating like they had for the past few years.

The writing is for a book. It's written from my perspective and begins the day I receive notice of the accident.  I don't exactly know where it will stop, but I'm getting it all down on paper.  Like throwing up that poisoned food that is only making you miserable while in your stomach, I'm regurgitating the minutes, hours, days , and weeks of a time that I felt more fear and helplessness than anyone should ever experience.

My therapist says it will be a healthy undertaking.  I'm not sure I'm 100% with him on this, now that I'm into it.  My anxiety levels have increased and I tear-up frequently, especially when I'm writing.  I feel moodier and more exhausted than usual.  I'm only 50 pages into it, with many more to go.  One thing is good.  Cameron is glad that I'm doing this.  It might be because it helps him to understand what was going on while he was not himself or just happy that I am writing.  He's always loved my writing and encouraged me to write. It was always hard to find the time, since I tend to get engulfed in my subject.

I may post some of it here and there, or may send hard copies to those who are interested.  I don't know what I'll do with it when it's finished, so would rather not make it available to just anyone who happens upon my blog.  That's to be worked out later, I guess.  For now, it's been a long day.  My allergies have made it difficult to sleep some nights.  Last night was one of those, hopefully, tonight will bring me deep, restful, sleep.