A Busy Day and the Feeling of Empowerment

In contrast to this morning's post, I feel more myself than I have for awhile.  I'm moving forward with the business plans, despite a great deal of fear and anxiety, and in turn this has strengthened my resolve to see it succeed.  Each person spoken to, each business card handed out, is a small victory. Patience is something I'm going to have to partner with to make it happen.  We don't always get along, so this may be a rocky alliance.

I'm not seeing as many "real" jobs posted.  It seems the sharks have found Santa Fe to be a good hunting ground. It's frustrating to have to call them on their bogus attempts at reeling the desperate into their clutches.  I wonder what they do with all the information they gather about people.

I've been lost in all the moves, and jobs, and different people to try to hang onto as friends.  There was only survival and waiting for that date in the future when everything would change again.

Here, there is no date.  The only change that will happen will be what we make happen.  The longer we wait for that unforeseeable time the more we lose.  So, now I take a stand, and claim this place to be our home.  No one will be telling us to leave.  We decide if and when we make such a change.

We're both slowly making friends.  It's hard to do that when everything has been temporary for so long.  I'm the one who talks to everyone, but has a hard time maintaining friendships. I've been like that, even when I lived in Bakersfield.  I guess for some reason, I keep everyone at arm's length.  So the friends thing is taking me longer than Cameron.  He's found a couple of good, solid, friends.  He can call them and talk with them when he's upset.  I'm envious, but will push myself as I have had to, just to be able to speak up for myself, or make my wishes known.  It's taken years to get this far from a wall flower in high school.

So with firm ground beneath me, I move myself beyond my comfort zones and step out into the high desert that is my home.