The Flatness of it All and the Toll That is Paid

It's been almost a year of job hunting. Yes, I did have that one at the mall, the one with the immature supervisor who had no positive things to say about those under her "supervision".  But I was trying to jump that ship after a couple of months on it.  (Strangely, the company still employs her after she took them for hundreds of dollars while doctoring her time sheets. She's been told "Don't do that again".)

Anyway, hundreds of resumes, applications, and interviews later, here I am.  I feel like a lifeless drone, throwing papers to the electronic wind and hoping some of them stick to some processor on someone's desk.  There's no face time, unless they call for an interview.  99% of potential employers request no phone calls or surprise visits, just email us your paperwork and we'll be calling whomever looks like the person we want. How do you encapsulate your years of experience and the wisdom gained from that experience, your personality, your enthusiasm for the position into a couple of sheets of paper? I've been in the top 5 more times than I want to think about, only to be told, "Sorry, we found someone with the exact qualifications we're looking for."

Being 49 doesn't help, either.  There's a lot of us out roaming the want ads, in search of a piece of the meager salaried positions.  Excitement over a request for an interview is curtailed.  We show up and put on the face of excitement over the minimum wage pay and  the anticipation of being supervised by someone our child's age.  We want the job, any job, but cynicism's undercurrent flows on unhindered.

Life just moves on.  Highs are flattened by the inevitable "thanks, but no thanks." I know care must be taken to avoid the "self fulfilling prophecy" from this doldrums I'm caught in.  So I turn back to focus my energy on the business that has been on life support for the past few months.  I got a big order from a friend of mine that gave me the extra cash to purchase the remaining items needed to begin the party circuit.  I'm hosting the first one as I figured that would be a good place to hone my skills.  I'm not having it at our apartment (for one thing, there's no seating and I've made an open invite to members of a women's group that I joined a while back, so don't really know them that well.) I'll be using the community room at the apartment complex.  It's nice, with a little kitchen and comfortable seating.

Having only been here a year and with most of that hunkered down, trying to survive financially, I haven't made many friends.  Now, I talk to everyone, but it's a passing thing that is rarely repeated.  These are more superficial acquaintances.  I have friends from the mall job, but they're in the same boat-barely living paycheck to paycheck.  If I can just get a handful of customers, to "infect" with my wonderful products and winning personality, that will begin the viral marketing necessary to operate in Santa Fe.  Word of mouth is the top marketing technique.  It can make or break a business in a heartbeat.

I'm still keeping the website going, even added an educational page-something that is highly recommended on websites these days.  The podcast is moving along and is a tool for my viral marketing.  The book has been a recent casualty of all of this flurry.  I'm desperately focusing on ways to help support us and haven't been writing the past few weeks.  I miss it.  I'm consumed with conjuring up new ideas to get the business off the ground on the last bit of shoestring that I have, without looking like it.  It's got to be good from the start, and the idea petrifies me.  I still push on, creating my own brand and talking to everyone who will listen.  I'm carrying business cards and handing them out.  Today, my palm pixie will earn its keep so as to record contact info and press for party dates from those excited individuals I run into.  

So, I push back the depression, anxiety, desperation, and cynicism that have made their home inside me. Today I pick up the package that's waiting for me, unpack the final items that complete my sample collection, and then go out in search of potential customers.

November is my start month.  It gives me time to acquaint myself with the products and create my party persona.  There are items to be printed up, in small quantity on my home printer for starters.  Photoshop is my friend these days and I've managed to get fairly proficient with it.  The necessary wiping of my hard drive really set me back as I'm still trying to locate files that were saved on every memory card we have.  Slowly that mess is getting cleaned up.

I think I'm starting to ramble so need to put one foot in front of the other and get to work.  I'm hoping for a productive day.