Tonight I searched for a book that I was reminded about by someone close, but I couldn't find it. Instead I uncovered a couple of books that are interpretations of the Tao Te Ching; The Couple's Tao Te Ching, and The Sage's Tao Te Ching. They were purchased on 2 separate occasions from a little shop in Cambria, CA, during our many trips to the coast.

The first one, joined our lives a few weeks after Cameron and I had met. I used to randomly open the book daily and email the passage to him at work. So, I opened it to a page and found "A Field of Dreams":

You do not exist to fulfill each other's dreams,
but to show each other the place
where these hopes are born.
Do not impose your dreams upon each other.
You must each follow the images
that arise within your own hearts.
But you can create for each other an open field
where dreams can grow and flourish.
~
Do not try to "tweek" or modify
the dreams of your beloved.
These are deeply personal
and must be treated with great respect.
Giving help and encouragement to each other
in the following of dreams
is good and proper.
But the dreams themselves are sacred
and must be given great respect.

Another book I came across, "The Language of Positive Thinking", I did the same with it and found a passage about being free. Free of guilt, resentment, blame, fear, discouragement, and worry. It describes the search for this freedom as not for "timid souls. The road inside is cluttered with all sorts of baggage and illusions as well as erroneous beliefs that have come etched on your mind. Your key to freedom lies in your power to control your thoughts."

For me, this follows what I've embarked on, my search for spirituality, and it is also part of my search for my dreams. In the past I have denounced my dreams for the sake of pleasing others and found resentment and sadness. It got to the point where I couldn't find myself any more, let alone what my dreams were. By not respecting my own dreams and my own needs, I opened the door for others to do the same.

Thankfully, Cameron has always encouraged me to find myself and to be the best "me" that I can be. I guess I fell back into old habits and let myself fall by the wayside, getting lost somewhere along the road. Bit by bit I'm finding the stray pieces, like breadcrumbs along the path I've just come along. Retracing my steps, I hope to find where I wandered take a hard look at what was going on in my head at the time. Perhaps to avoid a similar mishap in the future.