The Flatness of it All and the Toll That is Paid

It's been almost a year of job hunting. Yes, I did have that one at the mall, the one with the immature supervisor who had no positive things to say about those under her "supervision".  But I was trying to jump that ship after a couple of months on it.  (Strangely, the company still employs her after she took them for hundreds of dollars while doctoring her time sheets. She's been told "Don't do that again".)

Anyway, hundreds of resumes, applications, and interviews later, here I am.  I feel like a lifeless drone, throwing papers to the electronic wind and hoping some of them stick to some processor on someone's desk.  There's no face time, unless they call for an interview.  99% of potential employers request no phone calls or surprise visits, just email us your paperwork and we'll be calling whomever looks like the person we want. How do you encapsulate your years of experience and the wisdom gained from that experience, your personality, your enthusiasm for the position into a couple of sheets of paper? I've been in the top 5 more times than I want to think about, only to be told, "Sorry, we found someone with the exact qualifications we're looking for."

Being 49 doesn't help, either.  There's a lot of us out roaming the want ads, in search of a piece of the meager salaried positions.  Excitement over a request for an interview is curtailed.  We show up and put on the face of excitement over the minimum wage pay and  the anticipation of being supervised by someone our child's age.  We want the job, any job, but cynicism's undercurrent flows on unhindered.

Life just moves on.  Highs are flattened by the inevitable "thanks, but no thanks." I know care must be taken to avoid the "self fulfilling prophecy" from this doldrums I'm caught in.  So I turn back to focus my energy on the business that has been on life support for the past few months.  I got a big order from a friend of mine that gave me the extra cash to purchase the remaining items needed to begin the party circuit.  I'm hosting the first one as I figured that would be a good place to hone my skills.  I'm not having it at our apartment (for one thing, there's no seating and I've made an open invite to members of a women's group that I joined a while back, so don't really know them that well.) I'll be using the community room at the apartment complex.  It's nice, with a little kitchen and comfortable seating.

Having only been here a year and with most of that hunkered down, trying to survive financially, I haven't made many friends.  Now, I talk to everyone, but it's a passing thing that is rarely repeated.  These are more superficial acquaintances.  I have friends from the mall job, but they're in the same boat-barely living paycheck to paycheck.  If I can just get a handful of customers, to "infect" with my wonderful products and winning personality, that will begin the viral marketing necessary to operate in Santa Fe.  Word of mouth is the top marketing technique.  It can make or break a business in a heartbeat.

I'm still keeping the website going, even added an educational page-something that is highly recommended on websites these days.  The podcast is moving along and is a tool for my viral marketing.  The book has been a recent casualty of all of this flurry.  I'm desperately focusing on ways to help support us and haven't been writing the past few weeks.  I miss it.  I'm consumed with conjuring up new ideas to get the business off the ground on the last bit of shoestring that I have, without looking like it.  It's got to be good from the start, and the idea petrifies me.  I still push on, creating my own brand and talking to everyone who will listen.  I'm carrying business cards and handing them out.  Today, my palm pixie will earn its keep so as to record contact info and press for party dates from those excited individuals I run into.  

So, I push back the depression, anxiety, desperation, and cynicism that have made their home inside me. Today I pick up the package that's waiting for me, unpack the final items that complete my sample collection, and then go out in search of potential customers.

November is my start month.  It gives me time to acquaint myself with the products and create my party persona.  There are items to be printed up, in small quantity on my home printer for starters.  Photoshop is my friend these days and I've managed to get fairly proficient with it.  The necessary wiping of my hard drive really set me back as I'm still trying to locate files that were saved on every memory card we have.  Slowly that mess is getting cleaned up.

I think I'm starting to ramble so need to put one foot in front of the other and get to work.  I'm hoping for a productive day.  

  

I Think I'm Making Headway...

I'm still in job search mode, but hopeful (again) that a job I interviewed for this morning will come through.  The hours are good and there's great potential for future advancement.

I made a really good sale Saturday and think I just might be able to pull some parties together.  It'll take a little ingenuity to pull off some of the display pieces I want. (It's amazing how good cardboard looks with satin over it!) I got an amazing buy on a folding table, that folds in the middle, and has wheels so I can pull it along to where ever I need to take it.  A while back I got a little folding hand-truck like thing (teachers use them) at a very good clearance price.  Now, to make a tablecloth for the table and wait for the ordered items to show up.

My website is filling out nicely and I've added some new pages and lots more items to it.  I'm trying very hard to have the patience to wait for the word-of mouth, viral marketing, to work its magic.  I hand out business cards everywhere I go and talk to lots of people.  Last week I interviewed an author from Australia for my October 15th podcast.  My listener numbers are slowly going up on that, as well.  It's a non-paying project, but should send the curious to my website, and maybe the curious will buy something?

My book has been on hold for the past week as I was having a terrible time with my computer-no sound.  2 techs. and several on the phone later, couldn't figure out the problem, and eventually recommended wiping my hard drive as there seemed to be something viral or otherwise causing the problem.  Well, I've spent several days reconstructing everything and loading my files back into it.  My audio works great, which is good since I needed to edit the interview and make it podcast ready.

On this Sunday, I'm going to be helping out with a short independent film as one of many part-time production assistants. It's non paid, but could lead to future paid opportunities, if the director likes my work.  He is planning a major film in the future.  He is an actor/producer/director (his name is Michael John Gabriel), so who knows what that future holds.

Cameron is feeling more positive these days and has accepted Santa Fe as his home.  He's got a group of friends that he rides with on Sunday mornings and on Halloween he has been invited to a special tribal event.  I'm not sure what tribe the Shaman is from, who invited Cameron and his friend Scott.  All I know is that it's a guy only thing and they'll be sleeping out in the desert.  What he has to say when he returns should be interesting.  I think Tuesday and I will hang out together and maybe watch some Netflix.  (We don't get any trick or treaters here.) I'm very happy he's found some people with similar interests to hang out with.

I feel a change in the wind (or maybe it's just fall) and am hoping it is for the better for us.  Being in limbo is difficult and, unfortunately, we're quite familiar with it.

Oh, here's some pictures of my current nemesis, called "Chamisa". Since Santa Fe encourages xeriscaping (not sure of the spelling), the town is covered in native plants.  It's quite pretty as something is always blooming, but my allergies aren't too keen on it.

Trying to Get a Handle On Everything

The last couple of days, I've been reading the book for my upcoming interview.  I'm going to record the actual interview Sunday evening, giving me a couple of weeks to edit it and post it on the 15th.  It's been a hard book to read and quite long.  I'm still not sure what approach to take with the author when we discuss it.

In addition to the reading, I've submitted several resumes/applications this week and made some additions to my website.  Yesterday, I went to an address to "apply in person" for a receptionist position.  Not knowing what kind of business it was, I was surprised to find that it is a very trendy salon.  Wishing I had put on a little more make up or spent a little more time on my hair, I went through the doors.  It's a very cool place and everyone is very friendly. I was asked to wait for the business manager. Oh, joy! An on the spot interview! I definitely wished I'd known and did a little more sprucing up.  Well, it turns out the manager is fantastic.  We had a great talk and he is passing me on to have an interview with the other 2 partners.  So, I impressed one, now I wait for the second stage interview.  I'm crossing my fingers.  He says he prefers to hire people from out of town, because they have a good work ethic.  Locals, apparently, are not very dependable.

OK, so that's the situation on the job front.  During those last 2 days, I haven't worked on the book very much, since the interview was coming up and the book for that had to be finished.  But now, I'm back on it.  Not so much writing, but doing what I probably should have done initially-gathering information.  I've pulled all my blog entries and am going through the comments.  There's too many gaps in my memory and my blog posts for me to be comfortable writing much at this time.  Today's job is to finish going through every scrap of  emails, blogs, comments, notes, that I can find and enter them into my time line.  Since I didn't do this initially, I am going to be going back through my first 7 chapters and making some adjustments; probably beginning some new chapters, as well.

Oh, I'm going to be a non-paid production assistant for an indie film that is being filmed on the 16th and 17th.  I met the producer/director on Facebook (Michael John Gabriel) and he asked me if I'd like to fill one of the positions that he still needs people for. He says this is like an audition for future paid work for everyone involved.  Sounds like fun, and I did let him know that my schedule may suddenly change if I get a paying job requiring my presence those two days. The Sunday should be fine, it's the Saturday that I'm not sure of.  He says there are 4 shifts and I can do one or all four or any combination. So it's pretty loose.

I'm taking on another project, that I hope I can get done fairly quickly and easily.  I got burned on my last attempt at bartering website building, in exchange for some tattoo work (he ended up not holding up his end of the bargain and so I had to take it all down).  I have made a similar agreement with a friend who does tattoos on the side. Since he has a day job, he does it more for fun, than anything and it has come in handy for him to barter with.  He's been professionally doing them for 17 years, but prefers to be able to just do them, now, as he feels like it.  He knows the guy that I first did a site for and understands my wariness, but this time, he's doing the work first, then he says I can do the website at my leisure.  So, it's a matter of making arrangements and working out the artwork.  His site should be quick and easy to put up, since I've already done one.  The only aspect that I think is going to give me some trouble is his logo.  It's really unusual.  As long as he can get me the full artwork, it should be OK.

Oh, tomorrow is another BMW track day. Cameron and I are the official photographers for track day.  We get to go hang out on a curve and take pictures of whomever rides by.  It can get kind of hot, but we've been having nice weather.  Of course, this is taking place a couple thousand feet lower in elevation, so we'll see.  Hats and lots of sunscreen!  Anyone, who can pay the track fees, can come and use the track that day and the event is sponsored by the BMW dealerships.  Employees can ride for free.  Cameron has gone on the track a couple of times, but I'm not sure if he'll do it tomorrow.

It's going to be a challenge getting down to Albuquerque and to the track.  The annual balloon fiesta is this weekend and is a huge tourist attraction for the region.  I'm hoping to be able to see some of them in the air from the track.  I will definitely take pictures.  I don't know the air patterns around here very well, so have no idea which way they'll go after launch.

Well, it looks like a couple of my emails I sent out asking for archived information from the time of the accident may have been answered.  So, back to the timeline!  I'll keep you posted about all the crazy stuff I'm doing.

No News Is Definitely Not Good News!

Well, today is, for the most part, over and I have not received a call from the Humane Society, where I interviewed last week.  They said the would not call unless I was chosen.  So, here I am.  The interview I had yesterday was for Head Start, which is funded by government money, so has to go through a 3 week process to make any sort of decision.

I know several of you were wondering about all of that, so there it is.

Today was the worst one for job leads.  Not much posted that I could remotely qualify for, unless I'm big and burley, and can lift 50+ lbs on a regular basis, or have prior experience doing, which I didn't have for any of them.  Another thing that's frustrating here is the "must be bilingual" criteria that is with about a third of all the job openings.  I wish I could learn languages easily, but they just don't stick!

Well, in the meantime, I've got 7chapters under my belt and many still to go.  Speaking of which, I do need to get back to that business at hand.

Have a good evening!
Patti

Understanding More as I Go

Well, my interview seemed to go well, yesterday.  The position is made for me, except for the hours.  It's 3 8-hour days: Sat, Sun, Mon.  Not bad, except Cameron's "weekend" is Sun/Mon.  It could make for some drastic schedule changes at home.  At this point, though, anything is good.

After the interview, I went to the mall to see some of the friends I left behind, especially the others still at the Pagoda.  Unfortunately, the manager was there, and since I didn't give her any notice, I really didn't want to see her.  Luckily, she disappeared from the kiosk for quite some time, as usual, so I was able to go into the Zales, which is next door, to chat with one of my friends in there.  While I was talking with her, one of my other friends, he had been a regular customer at the kiosk, saw me and stopped to talk.  He was in a hurry, so I told him I'd stop by the salon he works at in a little while.

Both of my friends want to place an order with me.  We'll see if they follow through.  The one at Zales gets paid next week and said she'd call me then.  The other, is interested in more products than I have on my website so wants me to bring him a catalog next week.  All it takes is word of mouth in this town.  If I can get a handful of happy customers, they'll tell their friends, etc.  Viral marketing is what I was told it takes to make a business, here.  Several good experiences can create a success, but a bad one can destroy it.  That's Santa Fe.

I've made progress on several other fronts.  I'm slowly filling in my podcast guest schedule.  I'm booked through November.  I'm slowly making my way through the book for October's show.  The publisher I frequently work with, is sending me about 6 books to choose from, that are by the author I'll be interviewing in November.  She's fairly prolific and has a couple coming out then.  I'm not sure about the others she's sending me, but free books are always welcome!

Then, speaking of books, I'm managing to get about a chapter written each day.  Though I took yesterday off to just regenerate.  I have 5 chapters and a prologue in final stages.  Cameron is encouraging me to keep working on it, not wanting me to loose my momentum.  He says it's riveting writing and the story line very intense.  He's sure it will be a good book once I finish.  I'm handling it one chapter at a time, with an outline to keep me on track.  I don't know how many chapters there will be.  Each one begins and ends on its own terms.  Most prompt tears at some point in them.  That makes them all the more tiring to write.  I think this will turn out to be good therapy for me, once it's all done and all the memories are packed into a file outside of my brain.

With the thoughts from chapter 5 neatly tucked away in my laptop, I should be able to get some sleep. I have another interview on, I think Tuesday, so I'll let you know how that one goes. Good night!

Fatigued, yet productive

There's still no new interviews or even potential interview contact.  I've applied at several locations, both large and small companies.  Since most of these applications were submitted on Friday or over the weekend, I don't anticipate hearing from any of them for another day or so.

Some good out of this?  I'm getting a good amount of writing done.  This is extremely difficult for me as it is dredging up memories that I had pushed down 3 years ago.  Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.  Eventually, they start oozing back up and popping into your head.  I've suffered from PTSD from Cameron's accident, but never dealt with it with a professional.  Now I am, especially now that those memories aren't cooperating like they had for the past few years.

The writing is for a book. It's written from my perspective and begins the day I receive notice of the accident.  I don't exactly know where it will stop, but I'm getting it all down on paper.  Like throwing up that poisoned food that is only making you miserable while in your stomach, I'm regurgitating the minutes, hours, days , and weeks of a time that I felt more fear and helplessness than anyone should ever experience.

My therapist says it will be a healthy undertaking.  I'm not sure I'm 100% with him on this, now that I'm into it.  My anxiety levels have increased and I tear-up frequently, especially when I'm writing.  I feel moodier and more exhausted than usual.  I'm only 50 pages into it, with many more to go.  One thing is good.  Cameron is glad that I'm doing this.  It might be because it helps him to understand what was going on while he was not himself or just happy that I am writing.  He's always loved my writing and encouraged me to write. It was always hard to find the time, since I tend to get engulfed in my subject.

I may post some of it here and there, or may send hard copies to those who are interested.  I don't know what I'll do with it when it's finished, so would rather not make it available to just anyone who happens upon my blog.  That's to be worked out later, I guess.  For now, it's been a long day.  My allergies have made it difficult to sleep some nights.  Last night was one of those, hopefully, tonight will bring me deep, restful, sleep.

Zozobra opens Fiestas de Santa Fe

The following is from the local paper.  This is an annual tradition here and very popular.  Unfortunately, they increased the cost to attend, and we really don't like crowds, so we were not present for the festivities. I thought you might be interested in the cultural aspect of it.

[Photo Gallery] Old Man Gloom meets fiery doom - The Santa Fe New Mexican

http://www.zozobra.com/history.html  This link will take you to information on the history of Zozobra.