Being Handed the Keys to my Direction

The past couple of months have been laced with insanity.  Fear, could'ves, should'ves, would'ves, I felt like there was nowhere to go but down in flames.  I kept looking around me for some sort of answers, "Tell me what I'm supposed to do?"  All I could hear was my past laughing at me, and my future hiding in a corner, terrified.  The apparently sinking ship that we were riding on had taken on a lot of water and we had no idea as to how to fix the leak.

Over the past week, the wind has changed direction.  The storm is over and we can see the beautiful sunrise to our east.  The ship is still taking on water, but that isn't as important as catching that glimpse of sunrise. To stop, smell the sea air and take inventory of our situation.

I know, now, that even when it storms, the boat isn't going to sink and it will only take on so much water.  An old soul I spoke with while the wind was dying down, showed me that all of those could've, should've, would'ves, needn't be tied to the sides of the boat.  Releasing them would lighten the load and renew some of the ship's buoyancy.  I'm working very hard to cut the ropes that hold them in place.  Some have their own buoyancy and are tagging alongside the ship.  Others have fallen into the depths of the ocean.

I find that I'm hearing seagulls and the slapping of the waves against the sides of the boat.  The gulls are telling me that we are closing on land, but we just can't see it yet.  My goal is to reach that land, but it will take effort to do so.  I don't make plans.  I just consider the path that I am traversing towards my goal-that is what the old soul taught me.

Plans suggest that you know what is going to happen, and so you set up the steps to the plans.  Unfortunately, plans change and get out of control.  They can make the dark clouds seem darker and the rain harder.

To have goals is to accept the changing ebb of the water, but to keep my eyes towards the direction of land.  If I don't, I might miss the signs and the gulls will stop coming.  I merely make small adjustments as the situation changes; changing with it, but keeping my eye watchful for more signs of land.  I know it is out there, the gulls are still here, even increasing in number.

We will find land and it will have what we need to attain our next goal, and so on.  All that we need to reach our goals is there to be found, but we must be vigilant and watch for the times that require us to take action and fight to keep moving in the direction of our goals.

Someday, the things that are floating alongside the boat, will slowly sink into the abyss and be forgotten.  Until then, their presence sometimes haunts me and I find myself staring at them, watching them bob in the water.  They are still near, but can't reach me anymore.  That's a gift from the old soul, to find inner peace where the storm rages, and the same peace when it is calm, because I am safe, now, and those bobbing things are only that-bobbing things in the water.